Rita Skeeter's Diary
by Speich
Summary: Follow Rita Skeeter on her hunt for success, the perfect outfit and the perfect man. Inspired by Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones's Diary.
1. 1 January

A/N: Have finished reading Bridget Jones's Diary and felt so inspired to write something like it. Cruised around Fan Fiction to see if there already was anything like this but found nothing, so I thought I'd give it a go! Please review!

Disclaimer: The characters, places and magical things that you might recognize belongs to Rowling. And many thanks to Helen Fielding.

* * *

**Friday 1 January**

**8.30 a.m.** Have decided to write a diary to celebrate the first year without You-Know-Who. Got a hunch that the 1999 is going to be exceptionally good year.

The new job at Witch Weekly is going great – though I haven't had any luck in reaching Harry Potter for his annual interview with me. If he commits to something like this he should at least have the decency to answer my owls! Last years wasn't answered either, or the year before that! But maybe they just got lost on the way? 'Cause I know he wouldn't do anything like this on purpose, we are so good friends after all. Think I might pop by his office today, he'll love to see me again. It's been so long since last time. Maybe he'll take me out for lunch and I can interview him? Yes – good plan!

And tomorrow is the launch for my new book 'The story of Tom Riddle Jr – Was he doomed from the start?' Think it will be v. successful. My editor asked me – like always – to scrap some of the contents, she thought that it might offend someone. 'I will not!' I said. 'My readers deserves to know the truth!' Ugh, I despise people who lie.

My mother has been on my case for not having a boyfriend to take home and introduce this holiday either. As soon as she opened the door and saw that I was alone the whining began.

'Rita dear, when are you going to marry? When are you going to give me grandchildren?'

'Mother, men are scum and children are so last season.'

But would she listen? No, of course not. She went on and on about how great it was to have a little baby and a husband to take care of you, so I simply left. Mother was furious, she sent me a Howler as soon as I got home. 'How dare you leave at Christmas Eve? We are your family! You come back here!' It was great company, almost like having the real thing there beside you.

My mother doesn't understand that times have changed. I know that she grew up in an age were the women simply were breeding stock but that doesn't mean that I'm going to follow in her footsteps. I'm a successful woman! I got a fantastic career, am friends with many celebrities (Harry Potter for instance!), got a fabulous flat in central London – I don't need a man! Yes, I'm scared of bugs and don't have anyone to kill them for me. Yes, I have no one to comfort me during thunderstorms and yes…I'm so lonely!!

**8.42 a.m.** Sorry, just needed to fix my make-up. Anyway, am about to prepare myself a healthy breakfast of a cup of coffee and a few slices of cucumber – delicious! My trainer tells me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that I should eat more then a bit of cucumber, but I say – humbug! I've eaten like this since I was sixteen and look how smashing and healthy I am! I don't see why-- Wait, I have to lie down for a bit.

**9.05 a.m.** There, all better! Just felt a bit dizzy for a moment. Anyway, after glancing at my kitchen clock I have discovered that I was suppose to be at the office five minutes ago. My boss will be furious. I don't see why though, we go threw this every day.

'Skeeter, you're late – again!'

'Peter darling, don't be ridiculous! I started a few minutes ago!'

'No, you started an **hour** ago! I should sack you, you know.'

'Yes, but you won't because you adore me. But now I have to got, important journalist business to attend to. Ta!'

And then I'm off to see my hairdresser, or my manicurist, or I'll pop by Twilfitt and Tatting's. But I do consider that important journalist business. Looking your best is the key to get a good interview. Studies have shown that we trust people who look good easier – honest! And it does make you feel good when you know that you also look fantastic!

**10.32 a.m.** Came to work an hour and a half late – like expected. Peter was furious – like expected. And now I'm flipping threw the newest edition of 'Eligible & Gorgeous!' whilst waiting for the shop keeper to bring me their newest dress robe – exactly like I expected!. This is life!

**1.35 p.m.** Am v. distraught at the moment. Just got back from the Auror Headquarters at the Ministry and mr Harry Potter refused to see me! You could almost think that he didn't like me, but I know that's not the case. He's probably just so busy with work the poor boy, must send him something to relieve his workload. Maybe chocolate? I know I'd like someone to send me chocolate if I was as stressed as poor Harry.

**1.37 p.m.** Why doesn't anyone send me chocolate? Am feeling v. unloved right now. Might even eat a whole cucumber when I get home… Ugh, I feel like a pig!

**9.42 p.m.** Have just gotten home after dinner with Pansy Parkinson. Charming girl, v. well connected. Think I've might brown-nosed my way to an interview with Marcus Flint, Chaser for Falmouth Falcons. Bravo Rita! Give yourself an applaud! Not feeling so unloved anymore, feeling v. successful instead.

**10.04 p.m.** Just found another Howler from my mother. It was waiting for me on my pillow. V. charming I might add – 'Rita Skeeter! How could you not come to our New Years Eve party?! I am very disappointed at you young lady! Do not expect an invite to Sunday dinner!'

There. My own mother doesn't love me anymore. Am so depressed right now. Might eat that cucumber like I promised.

* * *

A/N: There, tell me what you think? Should I continue? 


	2. 2 January

A/N: Felt like I should say that this is not suppose to be taken serious. I don't think it's healthy to just eat a cucumber to breakfast. Just so you know. Please review.

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

* * *

**Saturday 2 January**

**8.45 a.m. **Am feeling v. happy this morning. Why?

1. My book launch is tonight.

2. Just weighed myself. That cucumber that I ate last night didn't do anything to my body – brilliant!

Have just owled Peter, just telling him that I won't come to the office today. I must prepare my v. grand and v. gorgeous entrance tonight. Wish I could be there to see his face when he reads it, he'll be furious! Ah, the simple pleasure of life, what would we do without them?

**10.32 a.m. **Was just about to leave for my appointment at Jaques's Salon when my mother's owl came flying threw the window. Expecting another Howler, I opened it with caution, but was pleasantly surprised. It was an invitation to Sunday dinner. Hurrah, mother loves me again!

**12.24 p.m. **Just got back to my flat and look terrible. Jaques (who I trusted with my most precious belonging – my hair) gave me…a bob. A bob! I knew I shouldn't have trusted him! Didn't pay him of course, just left after a full ten minutes of yelling at him. It was lovely – the yelling I mean. Am, of course, going to slander him in my next column. He should have known better then to mess with Rita Skeeter and her hair. Have owled Lindsay at the office, she's Witch Weekly's style guru, maybe she can help me.

**6.26 p.m. **Look fairly decent, am about to Apparate to the launch party. Got a new pair of gorgeous shoes, but they make my feet hurt like hell. Am going to have blisters at the and of the night – but beauty if worth all the pain in the world. Am wearing a killer dress though, got one word for you: Fabulous! Who knows, will maybe meet future husband at launch? No Rita, men are scum! They are unworthy of being in your presence. You are a strong independent woman with-- Oh, gotta run! Don't want to be late for my own party, ta!

**11.43 p.m. **Just got back.

Launch party going great: 1

Possible husband-to-be: 1

Blisters: billions

Where to begin? Arrived looking killer – like always – and instantly began to flirt with every male in the room. After a few glasses of champagne and the required speech about how happy I was that everyone could come (still no sign of Harry Potter though!), I continued to flirt and make new important celebrity connections. Got a few hits but one was especially promising. His name is Devlin Whitehorn and he's v. rich and available. How do I know this? Here is why:

1. He's the founder and owner of the Nimbus Racing Broom Company, which means that he's _wealthy_.

2. It was an interview with him in 'Eligible & Gorgeous!'. Promising indeed.

He was of course dazzled by my charm and promised to owl me so we could have dinner. Can I get a 'hell yeah!'? Am very happy, will not end up like an old spinster with no one to keep me company. I am wanted!

* * *

A/N: So? Should I continue? Please review and tell me! 


	3. 4 January

A/N: Review! Pretty please?

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

* * *

**Monday 4 January**

**9.02 a.m. **Had dinner with parents last night, got quite a shock. My mother. Is. Pregnant! Can you believe it?! I haven't even started the foundation of a family and my mother (who's 67 I might add!) is preparing for a second one. I'm being replaced!

And Devlin hasn't owled me yet. Am v. depressed at the moment. Am now looking threw the cabinets for anything that can ease my sorrow.

**9.05 a.m. **Found a raw potato. That will do.

**9.19 a.m. **Just finished eating raw potato for consolation, it actually helped a bit. It may be that my grief only got replaced with disgust of myself (I ate a raw potato!), but it helped nonetheless.

Owled in sick for work, think Peter will understand considering my situation, then owled Gabriel (close friend) and told him everything. He promised to slander women over sixty in his magazine. He's the editor in chief at 'Happy Wizards'. It's a magazine for poofs so I don't think mother will ever read it, but it's the thought that counts. Should maybe ask him to slander Jaques too, I'm know he reads 'Happy Wizards'.

**9.23 a.m. **Just got an owl from mother telling me that they are going to name the baby after me if it's a girl. See! I said I was being replaced! Think I'll eat another potato now.

**9.25 a.m. **Out of potatoes. Am going out to get some.

**10.01 p.m. **Spent entire day in bed with a sack of potatoes next to me. Only got up to watch 'Bachelor' at nine. Am now going back to bed. Good night.


	4. 5 January

A/N: Please review.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything you might recognize.

* * *

**Tuesday 5 January**

**10.42 a.m. **Just went by the office to show Peter that I was still alive and that he didn't need to worry. He tried to act all manly-like and yell at me for not coming to work yesterday but I know that deep down inside he was concerned for my well-being. He's so sweet.

Woke up this morning to find an unfamiliar owl sitting outside my window. It was Devlin's! He asked me to lunch tomorrow. Because of this I now have major clothing emergency, must find something smashing to wear! Thought I might go Twilfitt and Tatting's, or maybe Harrods. It's great being a half and half, you get the best of both worlds!

**2.09 p.m. **Just had lunch with Gabriel. He brought me a copy of the newest (and not yet printed) issue of 'Happy Wizards' so I could read the article about women in their sixties. Made me very happy I tell you. Think I'll bring it with me when I visit the parents next time. Mother will be furious! Hurrah!

Anyway, he also brought me the most exciting news. A very well-known celebrity just been outed. Guess who! Okay, I'll tell you – Myron Wagtail! The lead singer of Weird Sisters! Am v. v. excited!! Must pop by the office and add this to the column before it's sent to printing!

**3.12 p.m. **Few! Made it just in time! This time tomorrow the whole world will know – Myron Wagtail like girls! Not boys like he use to claim, I think he just wanted to ride the gay-wave. Am v. disappointed at him. He shouldn't feel like he has to hide who he really is, we'll love him anyway. Should maybe send him some chocolate to cheer him up… Oh! That reminds me, was suppose to send Harry Potter some too. Guess I've been so busy that I forgot. Yes, that's me – v. busy and important. Anyway, haven't found anything to wear to lunch tomorrow, must go shopping!

**8.42 p.m. **Popped by parents house to show off new amazing dress and to tell mother that I have a date. I was so excited about it that I forgot to show her the magazine. Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to owl it to her.

Anyway, got home to find that someone had sent me a copy of my new book, asking me to sign it. These are the moments in an author's life that really means something. I signed it and attached a photo of myself smiling one of my v. charming smiles. I think the person will be v. pleased.

Owled Lindsay so we could have a drink at the Leaky Cauldron and unwind after a day full of work, work, work! Got an answer immediately so am now off to meet Lindsay. Ta!

**11.32 p.m. **Met Devlin at the pub and invited him to join us. Was charming for a few minutes and then dragged Lindsay to the ladies room and promised to give her the adress to Myron Wagtail if she left. She did. So it was just me and Devlin the rest of the night. And it was _wonderful_! Am so looking forward to lunch tomorrow, should go to bed and get some beauty sleep. Night!

**11.35 p.m. **Can not fall asleep, am too excited! Am not feeling the least bit tired so I think I'll just stay up the rest of the night and watch telly.

**11.37 p.m. **Zzzz…


	5. 6 January

A/N: Please review!

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

* * *

**Wednesday 6 January**

**8.30 a.m. **Oh what a beautiful morning! I can hear bluebirds singing and the sun shining brightly! This day is going to be absolutely perfect! Four hours left 'til I'm suppose to meet Devlin, so I must hurry! Owled in "sick" today – again. Peter is going to be so angry. Naughty Rita.

**12.16 p.m. **Just finished preparing for my lunch date with gorgeous man. Am looking totally fabulous! _I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay! And I pity, any girl who isn't me today!_ Well, I'm off. Ta!

**1.32 p.m. **Am back. Don't want to talk about it. Going to Apparate to parents house for comfort from mother and father. Bye.

**1.34 p.m. **Am back again. Parents wasn't home. The note on the door said that they're at the hospital for check-up. Going to Apparate to Gabriel's. Bye. Again.

**1.36 p.m. **Gabriel wasn't home either. God, I'm so lonely! Should maybe stop by office, bet Peter is feeling heartbroken without me there. Yes, will do that.

**1.38 p.m. **Office was closed. Where the hell is everyone?! Am going to eat the entire contents of fridge now – bye.

**5.16 p.m. **Feeling a bit better. Fridge is completely empty. Have strength to remember what happened on lunch date with Devlin, but oh! I forgot something. Oh yes, he wasn't there! The wanker stood me up! I waited for him for an hour! Felt really embarrassed sitting at the bar with only the peanuts to keep me company. Am totally going to slander him. Die Devlin, die!

**5.20 p.m. **_I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!_ Just got an owl from Devlin saying how sorry he is for not coming today. It was some kind of emergency at the factory that he had to deal with. But! not only is he regretful, he's also taking me out for dinner tomorrow night to make up for everything. Isn't he the sweet?! _I feel pretty, oh so pretty…_

**5.34 p.m. **Mother popped by to tell me that she's not pregnant, just going threw her menopause. Yesss!!! The object of my fears has vanished, am no longer being replaced! Hurrah!


End file.
